For Now I Think

For now I think.

For now, I am alive.  I go about my daily required tasks, I eat, I clean, I find time to merry myself with distractions.  I seek to improve my status in life; I seek to gain knowledge, and wisdom.  I will grow in stature and experience.  I will grow old.  And one day I will die.  For now, I think.  But not forever.

For now I think.

For now, I am uncertain.  I know that I do not know a great many things.  I ask questions.  I make guesses.  I test theories.  I gauge results.  I lack omnipotence, I lack certainty about the universe I am in.  And so instead, I think.  I think about what is, what is not, and what could be.  I think about why this is, about why that is not.  I think that I know the rules.  I think that I have life all figured out.  I think that I’m ready for the unknown coming my way in the future.  For now, I think.  I think, but I don’t know.

For now I think.

For now, I am mortal, in a mundane plane.  I am a weak will inside of a weaker body.  I fear failure, and pain, and loss, even when the potential gain is far greater.  I stay indoors, safe, and secure, and bored.  I cannot fly, or soar into space.  I cannot climb cliffs, or swim oceans.  I cannot conjure fire in my hands, or gold, or love.  I can see all these things in my mind, but I can never touch them.  For now, I think.  But I cannot do.

For now I think.  And one day, I will be able to do so much more than think.  I will go to a place where I will be able to live, and know, and do, forever.  I will be able to think about my past life, and my life yet to come, and rejoice.  I will be able to think of the things I once did not know, the things I know beyond certainty, and the things I still do not know, but I will be content.  I will be able to do so much more than the petty things I want to do now, and I will not be able to comprehend how much better they are for me than the things I do now.  One day, I will be able to.

But for now I think I’ll have to wait.

 

{I was writing a comment and deleted part of it to reword it.  The part that remained was “For now I think”.  I might have started writing “For now I think the best course of action is to something something blah.”  But I stared at those four lonely words for a while.  Then I thought, “I could do something with these words.”}

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