Believer Scrap 8

You want to make me believe that your random website is worth going to, random advertiser?  Then don’t put a random number after the main title in the URL just because the domain name you wanted was taken.  It’s the same thing anyone with a screenname did back in the 20th century, and it wasn’t cool then either; it’s just lazy and makes me realize that either A, you’re lazy, or B, you’re incompetent, and I don’t want to buy something made by either of those guys.  The sickening thing is that people still put random numbers in their usernames, even in 2013.  There are more creative ways to get the name you want without having to resort to sounding like you’re the 65th clone of the original, you know.

If you want to convey that an aspect of a character isn’t special in print, don’t say anything about it.  The reader can’t see the character even if they want to; all they know is what you tell them.  If you don’t state their hair color, or their eye color, or what clothes they’re wearing, the reader won’t be able to define them by that aspect, and’ll be forced to define them some other way.  It’s not necessary to paint a 100% accurate picture of every character to immerse your audience; in fact, one of the wonders of print is that you can make the reader do some of that work for you, and they’ll thank you for it, because you’re giving them the freedom to see some of your world as they choose to interpret it!  If it’s not going to be important to making the character feel real, leave it out.  I’m looking at you, writers who feel compelled to state the exact cup size of every female character’s breasts!  Why don’t you tell us how many inches all the male characters are while you’re at it?  Or the shape of everyone’s nose?  Do you see how stupid that would be?  That’s because it is.  And that’s because no one cares.

Yo, fantasy writers and period-piece writers, listen up!  Guns versus arrows.  Point the first:  Early guns sucked.  They were inaccurate, had crap for range, took forever to reload, and couldn’t even reliably kill someone.  And up until tech got good enough to make quality rifled barrels and slug-shaped bullets instead of spherical, they continued to suck.  If you want to watch your soul die, go watch a period-accurate battle from the Revolutionary War.  Only advantages gun have over arrows are that it takes less skill to fire a gun, and ammo is more compact.  By the way, crossbows are a thing too.  A thing that didn’t suck.  The Pope flat-out outlawed crossbows because they were just that massively OP; look it up.  Crossbows are basically guns a few centuries earlier, complete with crap-for-reload speed, except that actually worked.  Then enter your old-as-dirt bow-and-arrow, which does what the crossbow does but does it faster, cheaper, and at longer range, except for that little problem of, y’know, having to train with it.  They’ve all got their place, so sure, go ahead and put guns in your D&D games.  Except, seriously, don’t put them in your D&D games.  It’s not cool.

Oh, and guns versus swords?  Armor.  Remember, early guns couldn’t shoot for crap and couldn’t be reloaded quickly.  I want you to think about every war ever fought with guns.  Notice something?  No armor.  Tony Stark was able to build this in a cave, with a box of scraps, and he did just fine against guns, now didn’t he?  So please, “cool people”, stop Matrix-dodging bullets, stop cutting them in half midair with your “desu sugoi” katana, wear a damn breastplate with a visored helmet, walk up to them, and punch them in the face.

 

{Toby Jones will one day be an important character in “One day I will stop calling it Believer”.  So I’m just vamping here for a bit, trying to get a feel for his personality.  And yes, him complaining about pointless things like this is indeed his personality.  I think.  Like I said, I’m working on it.}

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